Guys lining up at the hole to use the twink: 
Gloryhole Initiation!
Features > The Guidance Counselor
by Doug McClelland
(posted October, 2003)
From:
Jeff
Subject: No call backs
Question: The last four weeks have been somewhat difficult.
A few weeks back I met this guy on the beach. Being in the closet,
it took all my nerve to even approach him but once I did we seemed
to connect instantly. We talked for several hours and then went
for a long walk. We ended up going back to his place and fooling
around a little and then exchanged numbers. I phoned him once and
got his voice mail, and have yet to hear back from him. He is gay
and as far as I know single. I took that to mean he had no interest
other then the initial sexual contact so I've since moved on. Since
then I have been talking to this guy online and we finally decided
to meet last Saturday. He has a girlfriend but was looking to discreetly
explore with another guy and in the process form a friendship. This
sounded good to me as well and we also seemed to click after meeting.
Nothing sexual happened but we ended up spending the night together
having a blast, bar hopping and such. Wanting to know if he was
still interested in what we talked about online I brought up the
subject point blank and not only did he tell me was interested in
exploring it fully down-the-line but also that he was attracted
to me. Since that night I have not heard from him. He is not online
and has not made contact over the phone. I phoned him twice to see
if everything was okay, getting his voice mail each time. In my
estimation this shows he lied to me and really had no interest in
exploring anything or he suddenly changed his mind. But why not
be upfront about this? So, my question is how is one supposed to
deal with a situation of this kind? It's happened to me twice in
the last four weeks, and I am seriously at the point where I don't
want to meet anyone new for fear that it will happen again. Obviously
I have moved on but how can one gage the honesty level of someone
so this doesn't become a habit in the future?
Dear Jeff: You met both of these guys through anonymous cruising, perhaps that is really all they were interested in.
Sometimes people find it easier to tell others what they think the listener wants to hear rather than to just tell the truth. People often exchange phone numbers with no intention of calling just because it is very hard to say, “no I don’t want to give you my phone number.” When this happens you need to take the hint. Don’t become a stalker with repeated calls. Leave a couple of messages including your phone number (in case he lost yours). If you don’t get a call back forget about it and move on to the next guy.
From:
Lloyd
Subject: Losing the Spark
Question: I’m in my first long-term relationship, moving
into our fifth year. I love him dearly but our sex life is slowing
down and losing its spark. The sex is still nice but our intimacy
seems to be expressed more through some of the more ordinary things
we enjoy together. Is this normal? I thought the passion would never
die.
Dear Lloyd: What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. It is impossible to sustain the hot passion that sparks a relationship forever. I think that long-term couples should continue to make every effort to keep enjoying sexual pleasure together as a way of reinforcing their bond. But sex and love are two different things. There are many ways to add spice to our sex lives; perhaps you need to discuss some possibilities with your partner.
You say that the ordinary things you do together express your intimacy. I’d say this is what separates couples that will last from affairs that will end.
The famous American journalist Martha Gelhorn, who was one of the wives of Ernest Hemingway, described sex as: “Like a sandwich, darling. Something you must give him in order to get back to the real business of drinking and talking.” Long-term relationships are about many other things besides the sex.
From:
Fem guy
Subject: Lingerie cruising
Question: I'm a fem guy interested in toilet cruising and
cocksucking, but I'm a first-timer at it. I like to wear women's
lingerie under my men's clothes and want to connect with guys who
are interested. This may sound silly but how do I make it clear
what I am and what I'm offering/want without offending guys? I'm
really not into the etiquette of toilet cruising.
Dear Fem guy: I once met a very handsome young man cruising the park. We started making out and as I peeled off his flannel shirt and jeans, lingerie appeared. I was surprised but in the heat of the moment I continued with the sex and the experience was enjoyable. But the next time I saw him cruising I went the other way because I don’t share this fetish.
I think that if you have his cock in your mouth by the time he realizes what you are into, he won’t leave. But afterwards he’ll be gone real quick if he’s not into it. If he lingers, he may be someone to connect with further. If you are talking about toilet gloryholes, you could allow your lingerie to show as you sit there. Then as the guy looks through the hole, he gets the idea and either stays or leaves.
Perhaps toilet cruising is not your best bet in connecting with guys who share your interest. Online cruising offers the opportunity to say a bit about what you are into. Or going to a bathhouse would allow you to display yourself in lingerie in a safe venue.
From:
Dave
Subject: Bad advice!
Question: My understanding is that poppers and Viagra do
not mix! And have been proven to be deadly! Why would you even entertain
the idea of mixing these two drugs together in your August
advice column!?
Are you looking for a lawsuit?
Dear Dave: In responding to semi-medical questions, such as the one about poppers and Viagra, I see my role as providing info which helps readers make informed decisions, not as telling guys what to do.
The questioner wanted a comparison of poppers and Viagra. My advice to the questioner was to try poppers without Viagra so that he could understand what poppers do. And I stand by that.
As well I try to deal with reality in my column, not an idealized situation, which is why I included the following...
"As deaths have been recorded from combining Viagra and poppers, it is obvious that some men are combining them. If you are strong and healthy the combination is not likely to kill you. I’ve had a couple of snorts of poppers while trying Viagra and it was no problem. But I was paranoid to take a lot of poppers because of the strong medical warnings."
I then quoted the very strong warning from GayHealth.com.
I'd say that my answer was both factual and balanced.
From:
Joe
Subject: Previous advice
Question: I know that at some point you wrote a
column about first timers and anal sex. Would it be possible
to email me a copy of that one? I have a friend who needs to read
it, and soon! Thanks.
Dear Joe: I've linked to the column here with the question from Virgin Ass. All previous columns can be found by scrolling down to the bottom of the main page for the Guidance Counselor.
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