Features > The Guidance Counselor

by Doug McClelland

(posted January, 2004)

From: BaltimoreFireman
Subject: Confused roommate
Question: My roommate is twenty-six years old, straight, nice looking guy, takes care of himself and single. He ended his relationship with his girlfriend three and a half years ago, just before moving in with me. He hasn’t dated any one since then. He says he's looking for a religious girl who doesn’t smoke, drink, etc. When he moved in with me he started attending church services several times a week. After about a year or so he started attending church less each week. Sometimes he would go weeks with going.

He seemed always to be busy with a friend of his, shopping, going out drinking, to dinner, movies, etc. He was never a drinker that I know of, however, the week of his twenty fifth birthday he said he wanted to get drunk and stay on a drinking binge for a week to see what it was like. So he went out and bought several hundred dollars worth of alcohol.

During that week he was out with his best friend. When I arrived home late that evening I noticed they were out front (friend in the jeep, him out side). They appeared to be having an argument and my roommate appeared to be crying. I said nothing at the time and went into the house. About ten minutes later he came in pissed off like I had never seen him before. Me being funny, said, "did you have a lovers quarrel?" At which point he wished death to his friend. He swore me to never tell a person and he said that his friend had feelings for him and wanted to know if he had the same feeling. Talk about shock. I never thought to this day that his friend was bi and I know my roommate never thought about a guy either. Then one evening I was at the bar with his friend and others. When I asked him why they were not speaking he told me what had happened. He added that my roommate had also stated he was having the same feeling, but that homosexuality was wrong in God’s eye and that you would burn in hell and since then he has been attending church services regularly.

Enough said about that.

The reason I’m confused is that over the past year I have found myself falling in love with him. I'm thirty-five year old closeted gay guy. We both do the same type of work but at different places. I suspect that he knows I’m gay by the remarks that he makes. However, I just brush them off or come back with a smart remark. He has even told me the size of his cock several times. Also he has said multiple times to “suck his big cock.”. I got to the point where I would say “pull it out” but he never has. I’m confused; is he just fishing for information or is he giving me hints that he's bi/gay and interested. He talks about girls all the time but never acts on them or there is always something wrong with the ones that like him. He has been a great friend to me this past year. I lost my job and finding a job in my profession at that time was hard. He paid all the bills, even gave me money to wash his clothes. Can you offer me some advice?

Dear BaltimoreFirman: It all sounds very melodramatic to me. You guys are in the age bracket in which many guys realize they are gay and come out. The process can be emotional and confusing but you just have to work your way through it.

Unfortunately, your friend seems to be a victim of Christian guilt, so he’ll have a more difficult time than you. Religion has caused more pain to gays than any other force in history. Maybe you can steer him towards one of the gay religious movements to help him reconcile his beliefs and his sexuality.

The truth will come out sooner or later. I advise you that sooner is better for everyone in the long run.

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From: Dumb in Connecticut
Subject: Unknown cum
Question: Doug, I met this hot guy at the mall and we clicked instantly. It was so hot that we ended up in the bathroom at the mall. I was sucking his dick when I tasted something funny in my mouth. I had never had a guy cum in my mouth, especially someone I don't know. I am freaking out. That day I bought Listerine and drank the whole bottle. (I'm not kidding) I then called the locate public health department and spoke with a nurse who told me I can't get tested for HIV for six months because it won’t show up at all until then. Is this true? What can I do to help boost my system or something to calm my nerves? I am flipping out and haven't slept since this happened. Please help.

Dear Dumb in Connecticut: Calm down. Getting cum in your mouth is not particularly dangerous. Some STDs can be transmitted by oral sex but it is generally believed that it is extremely unlikely for HIV to be transmitted that way. To quote GayHealth.com, “you can get HIV from unprotected oral sex, but your risk is much lower than from anal sex.”

You do have to wait to be tested, although doctors dealing with many HIV cases can sometimes get an idea sooner by examining you for preliminary indications. What you may really need to do is talk to some sort of counselor. Call a gay help line for example. You need help to get through the six months waiting period. You can’t change what has already occurred, but you can use this experience to resolve to be more committed to safer sex in the future.

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From: Donald
Subject: Cialis and poppers
Question: You have recently written about the dangers of mixing Viagra and poppers. I have recently begun taking Cialis but occasionally I see a friend who likes to use poppers with me. I was wondering how long these drugs remain in the system. What would be a safe interval between taking Cialis and using poppers (and vice versa)? Thanks.

Dear Donald: Cialis is a long lasting erection enhancing drug that in France has developed the nickname ‘Le Weekender’ for its duration. It has a half life of thirty-six hours, which means that after thirty-six hours half of the dose you took has left your system.

A friend and I recently each took 20 mgs of Cialis and found it to be way too much, because at that dose we both had a lot of side effects. After thirty-six hours there would have been the equivalent of a 10 mg dose left in me. I found that to be plenty. So thiry-six hours after taking the drug I was horny with no side effects. My doctor suggested that even a 5 mg dose would be sufficient.

So how quickly your system is clear of Cialis depends on the dose you take. If you are taking 5 mg your system will have little left after thirty-six hours. If you are taking 20 mgs then you still have a fair amount in your system after thirty-six hours.

I think the danger of combining these erection enhancing drugs with poppers has been exaggerated. I took poppers with Cialis and I’m here to write about it. Thousands of guys are combining these drugs during sex. The reason there have been warning is that a small number of people have had bad reactions to the combination, including a number of deaths. You need to know your own health situation before using any drugs, either prescription or otherwise. Older guys with heart problems probably should not use these drugs. But compared to many recreational drugs in wide use these combinations are mild.

 

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