Features > The Guidance Counselor

by Doug McClelland

(posted February, 2004)

From: Parker
Subject: Anal prep
Question: I'm a thirty year old bi guy and was a bottom for the first time last summer. The first time just kind of happened and even though I never thought I'd give up my ass, I ended up loving it. Since then I've bottomed for four other guys. I bought an enema kit so that I could be nice and clean when I knew I was going to get fucked.

It had been a while since I had been fucked and I was really horny. So yesterday I got online and hooked up with a local guy who said he likes to top. I used the enema like four times until the water was clear, then I took a shower and went to meet him at his place.

He was a hot looking guy and I thought I was going to have a good time. We got in bed and started kissing, then did some sucking, then he lifted my legs over his shoulders and started sliding in. He was kind of big and I felt completely filled. He started banging away and it was feeling good. Then all of a sudden, I felt like I had to shit, and that is exactly what I was doing! I told him to stop and he pulled out. There was shit all over the condom, it was running down my legs, it got on his bedding and I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. He was cool about it but I knew he wasn't happy and I can't blame him.

Doug, I know I'm not experienced at this, but I never expected something like that to happen. Is this common or didn't I do something right. Now, I don't know if I can ever bottom again. I'll be too nervous about that happening again.

Please advise me as to what I can do to prevent this. Thanks!

Dear Parker: Your experience is very common. Your partner was cool about it because, like almost everyone practicing anal sex, he had experienced it before. Wishing to be as clean as possible is understandable and reasonable but fucking really isn't an activity for anyone who is paranoid about coming into contact with shit.

I’d suggest that the only mistake you made was telling your buddy to stop and pull out. It is not at all unusual to have some shit and santorum on your dick and the sheets after sex, but it is unusual to stop in the middle of the act and let this issue end the fun. If you had kept your ass plugged with his fat cock things might has settled down inside, and he might have been able to finish.

So just relax, this happens from time to time. No one likes it, but it goes with the territory. Also, in my first Guidance Counselor column I give detailed advice on enema options which you may also wish to look over.

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From: English Only Traveler
Subject: Cruising in Foreign Language
Question: I am going to be traveling to a country where very few people speak English, and where I don't speak their language. With your travel experience, do you have any tips on cruising in a foreign language situation.

Dear EOT: When confronted with a foreign language destination it can be hard to even find out where to go once you are there. So before you go, print out our Sex Listings for your destination.

Foreign cruising sometimes reminds me a bit of time travel. Imagine what it was like in 1950's America, when most guys were in the closet, and there were not a lot of gay establishments. Back then cruising was an art of eye contact and subtle messages that often took place in ambiguous situations. You used your 'gaydar' to discern who potential partners were. It is still a bit like that in many countries outside of North America and Western Europe.

Also, if you think about it, much of our modern cruising is also non-verbal. You look at a guy in a bar or a park and see if he looks back. By the time you actually get to the speaking part you have both indicated you are attracted, and just need to work out the details. In some situations like baths, and back rooms, you may not even have a conversation before your mouth is on his dick.

So you should be able to cruise for sex successfully in a foreign language environment once you get to a cruisy location. Turn up your gaydar to find a partner, and focus on your non-verbal cruising skills.

In addition I would try to learn a few key words. For example while I was in Rio de Janeiro for New Years I learned to say in Portuguese “gustoso!” to an attractive man, which roughly translates to “you’re a hunk,” and “passiveo?” which meant “are you a bottom?” While it is impossible to have a conversation this way, it is quite possible to make your intentions clear. The locals will likely find you as exotic as you find them, and make allowances for your language weaknesses.

So I would not worry too much about getting laid on your trip. Just find the right spots and let nature take its course.

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From: Frustrated
Subject: Attractive men aloof
Question: Not long ago I ended up in a sex club at an odd mid morning hour, making me the first guy to check in that day. I’m an average looking, clean-cut white guy, not fat, not fem, have all my hair and teeth. Not long after I arrived a second guy checked in who was drop dead handsome. I thought great, and cruised him, but he didn’t respond. Close to an hour later with still just the two of us in the place, I cruised him again, and no response again. Soon after that he left and then I left too. What is the point of going to a sex club and then turning down your only chance for sex? Why do great looking guys have attitude like that?

Dear Frustrated: I made the acquaintance of Tennessee Williams in Key West many years ago, and he had a wonderful turn of phrase that might apply here, “beautiful people make their own rules.”

In regard to your specific experience, the problem may simply have been that this fellow had a particular type he was looking for and that you didn’t match. He may have been in looking for a guy in leather or an Asian guy or a black guy, making your clean cut, white guy look a loser. Don’t take it personally.

As to your more general question on perceiving that handsome men have attitude, I think we sometimes assume that someone who is handsome is also automatically gifted socially. Some feel intimidated to approach a handsome man fearing rejection, and expect that if the guy is interested he should make the approach with a social confidence imbued by his looks. In my experience this belief is mistaken. Handsome men are rarely any more self-assured than anyone else. In fact, our expectations of confidence from handsome men may set them up to be perceived as aloof when they exhibit the same shyness as regular guys. Physical beauty reveals nothing about what is inside a person. I think unattractive men have attitude just as often as handsome ones but perhaps we just don’t care about it.

In the porn business we get to meet hundreds of handsome, sexy guys, and I have found that the personality types are as varied as in any other group of men; shy, aggressive, friendly, and aloof. The only difference is what nature has given them on the outside.

An average looking guy who has great social skills and a gregarious personality can win over almost anyone (a big cock always helps too).

 

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