Features > The Guidance Counselor

by Doug McClelland

(posted April, 2004)

From: Sexless in SD
Subject: Gay in the rural midwest
Question: Doug, I am a GWPM living in a tiny college town in the Dakotas. Incidentally, I teach at the university here in town. Finding sex with other guys has been a definite challenge since I've been here; hell, the state doesn't even have a million people living in it. I've tried the chatrooms, the personals, even CRUISING for SEX, with not much success. Most of the guys I chat with in those venues are students at the university, a big no-no for me. So, I have adjusted to a mostly sexless life since coming to this job (which I love).

Any advice for a rural guy like me to find a fuck buddy or two? I have considered escorts in one or more of the major towns within a five hour drive, but I wanted to figure out if there is something I'm missing around here before taking that path. Thanks.

Dear Sexless: When you grow up in a smaller place you have years to make the web of connections that keep you in the know as you get older. But when you move into such a place it can be hard to break into the discreet social groups that surely exist.

When I lived in Winnipeg, I frequently visited Fargo, North Dakota to visit friends there and check out American men. Once I got to know one person I eventually met many more at private parties. These guys socialized in small groups and went to Minneapolis, Chicago, or Winnipeg for more urban adventures.

I’m assuming you are ‘out’. So I’d suggest that you could try checking out the local bars in your region. At gaybarz.com I found the following listings. In South Dakota; The Wagon Wheel in Aberdeen, TW’s in Box Elder, and Touchez in Sioux Falls. In North Dakota; The I-Beam in Fargo, The Classic Pub in Minot, and The Rendevous in Williston. If you don’t want to go to the one closest to you, try a different town. Eventually you should start to make some connections. Basically you may need to fuck your way into the existing community.

The other thing you should consider is seeking out any gay organizations in the area. Participating in any such group would expand the number of gay men you meet, and thus improve your chances of finding your man.

When you live in such a sparsely populated area you need to expand your hunting territory and be willing to put some miles on your car. Good luck.

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From: crazyfox
Subject: Black cock desires
Question: I have a problem. I do not think I am really gay and the sight of white cock does nothing for me. However, I am really turned by the sight of black cock and I find myself wondering what sex with a black man would be like whenever I see a good looking black man. I want to feel his cock in my mouth and up my ass. I have become so addicted to this idea that I bought an 8" dildo which I have used on myself. My problem is that I am married and don't dare let my wife know of this urge. Also I want to be fucked bareback by a black man but am afraid of disease or of meeting the man in public with my wife. I am sure that once I have submitted to a black man I would be his for quite a while. I really am very confused at this time and don't really know where to turn.

Dear crazyfox: So you are dreaming about sucking and riding cocks and using an 8 inch dildo to fuck your own ass but you don’t think you are gay because you are not attracted to white guys. You sound to me like a gay guy who digs black men. Lots of guys are attracted to men who are different from them. Personally, I get hot for Latin men. Lots of married men fool around on the side, which is a personal decision you’ll have to make. If you live in a city like Atlanta, Washington, or Baltimore with large black populations, I’d suggest you should have no problem getting to a bathhouse and starting to experiment. Otherwise, you could try posting in our Communal Stall Wall 'personals' section, requesting contact from black men who want to help you realize your fantasy.

I would not worry too much about running into your future partners while with your wife, you won’t be frequenting the same type of places with your wife as where you’ll be meeting guys for sex. Outside those venues your sex partners will likely have as much interest in discreet behavior as you do. But please use condoms while getting fucked by strangers to protect yourself.

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From: Novice Nipple Man
Subject: Tit work
Question: I’ve just started seeing a guy who has pierced nipples. Personally, I don’t find anything sexy about having my nipples played with and I’m not into working other guys’ nipples either. But I like this guy so if he is into ‘tit play’ I’m willing to go there. The advice I need is what to do to please a guy into tit work.

Dear NNM: You have the right attitude. Making the effort to please and accommodate your partner will make you a better lover.

Generally you need to determine whether your partner considers his tit piercings as decoration or sexual accessories. In most cases the thicker the gage (thickness) of the jewelry, the more it is intended for sexual use. Thin jewelry when twisted or pulled hard can act like a cheese slicer and cut right through the nipple and the results are not pretty.

So let’s assume your guy has thicki-sh jewelry. With your fingers you’ll want to start off gently but firmly to manipulate your guy’s nipples by pinching and twisting them. Start slow and easy, assess his response, and then move it up a notch. You can also suck his tits, and chew on them; again start slow and gentle and work up. He’ll need to guide you as to what intensity he is looking for.

As you say you are not really into it; you might also consider putting tit clamps or clothespins on his tits while you do other things you that you enjoy. Finally, I’d suggest you just say to him: “Hey, I’ve never been with a guy with pierced tits before. What do you like done to them?” Communicating with your sex partners is always a good idea.

 

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