Features > The Guidance Counselor

by Doug McClelland

(posted January, 2005)

From: Playman5
Subject: Disappearing dildos
Question: I am into extreme anal play with things like large dildos, cucumbers, etc. I like the double ended kind because they can be inserted completely in my ass and then I push them back out which feels great. I was watching a porno where a guy was getting fucked in the ass and his partner pulled his cock out and then out came a double ended dildo which had evidently been in his ass while he was getting fucked. This really turned me on so I decided to try that with two dildos. But I did a little research first by searching the Internet for people who had to go to the ER to have items removed from their backsides. Now some of the problems were people who placed irregularly shaped objects such as jars, hand tools, etc. and I could see how they would get stuck. However, I was on one website that had a list of items that were extracted from men over the course of a year and on the list were dildos and cucumbers! This made me wonder if I am running the risk of having something stuck in me. How could nicely shaped items like double ended dildos and cucumbers get stuck inside someone? It seems to me that their shape would lead to the body naturally pushing them out. What kind of precautions can I take to still enjoy my particular fetish and not have to worry about a trip to the ER?

Dear Playman5: Sorry to disappoint you but I think this falls under the heading of ‘Don’t try this at home’. Porn stars develop certain skills that few others have the opportunity to perfect, particularly star bottoms. In porn you will see guys getting double fucked, double fisted, and taking huge dildos and other items up their ass. Yes it is all possible but it is not easy. In addition, there is the possibility that creative editing was used. For example the dildo might not have been inside during the full fuck scene, but rather inserted just for the withdrawal scene. Even porn has ‘special effects’.

I had a boyfriend who lost a dildo up his ass and indeed had to go to the emergency room to have it removed. He said it was the most humiliating experience of his life. Another guy I know lost a dildo up his butt and ended up calling around to his friends looking for someone to come over to reach in and pull it out. Again, extreme humiliation not to mention that several friends turned him down before he found on that was willing (including me).

The dildo/cucumber can get lodged inside you in an awkward position that does not allow it to be naturally pushed out. Your insides are not a straight, firm tunnel. They are elastic. It is quite possible for something pushed inside to get turned around into a position that causes it to become stuck in you.

If you do try this, I’d suggest that you have a very good friend present.

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From: Hoooah
Subject: Oral hygiene
Question: I have been sucking cocks for years and have always tried to check the other guy out for 'obvious' disease before I do it -- I don't use condoms for oral sex. I've never had any problems. Recently, I have had two times where soon after I sucked a guy I developed a sinus infection (diagnosed by a doctor) with sore throat requiring anti-biotic to clear it up. I don't swallow the cum though I occasionally will take it in my mouth and spit it out. I did neither in these two recent cases. Do you have any thoughts on how/why I've gotten these infections? Thanks!

Dear Hooah: Did your mother ever tell you not to put dirty things in your mouth? If there is a connection between your sinus infection and the cocks you suck it would be due to germs on the outside of the cock.

There is nothing unhealthy about cum so long as it is coming from a healthy man. But it is certainly possible for germs to accumulate on a guy’s cock. For example, suppose a guy touches something covered in germs, like a public toilet’s door handle, and then handles his cock without washing his hands. There will be germs transferred to his cock. Washing your buddy’s cock with soap and water or a quick shower before the blowjob should prevent this.

Also it seems to me that in places where every surface is germ covered, like public washrooms, it would make more sense to wash your hands before handling your cock to take a piss, than to wash afterwards as most men do.

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From: Moon
Subject: Oil based lubricant and condoms
Question: I recently bottomed for a top who used hand lotion as lubrication. It wasn't until after the deed was done that I realized that the (oil-based) lotion may have weakened the condom. I didn't notice any tears in it but I'm still worried that the condom may have been degraded (or something) by the oil in the lotion. Should I be worried?

Dear Moon: There is not much point to worrying about past mistakes. It sounds like you are OK if there was no apparent damage to the condom. But this error has left you with a bad memory instead of a good one from this sexual experience, which might teach you a lesson. Practicing safe sex includes avoiding oil based lubricants with condom use. When you practice safe sex you can look back on an experience with pleasure, rather than worry.

By the way, spit is the body’s own lube and is always on hand.

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From: Ari
Subject: Iconic symbols of being top or bottom
Question: I was wondering about the history of these iconic gay symbols. Such as: the red handkerchief in the back right pocket, or the keys dangling on the right. I am sure that these traditions started as a fear of being recognized as gay in a homophobic world. What, if any are the other gay symbols? Someone tells me there is one for fisting? In any case I am twenty-four years old and do not see anybody of my generation taking advantage of these symbols. Are they still used by older generations of gay men? Thanks for your time. Until I discovered your column I never would have known whom to ask about all this.

Dear Ari: The Hanky Code evolved from practices of early San Francisco gold miners. In 1848 gold was discovered in California, and a huge gold rush ensued. San Francisco's population grew from about 800 in 1848 to over 50,000 in 1849, with a huge proportion being men. A custom developed at dances for half the men to dance a woman’s role (think square dancing where partners actually are required to do different things). Those dancing a woman’s roll wore a bandana to signify that they were the girls.

Eventually this idea was adapted by gays. The hanky code is a system by which to publicly state one's sexual interests without being too blatant. The idea is that each color has a certain meaning and by wearing it on the left (aggressive) or right (passive) you tell others what type of sex you're looking for and which roll you want to play. For example, a red hanky on the left signals a fisting top while a red on the right signifies a fisting bottom. Enter ‘gay hanky code’ into a Google search and you’ll come up with huge lists for every sex act and hanky color associated.

A similar code is to wear keys clipped on the belt loop of your jeans on the left or right to signify top or bottom, which some say began in New York in the 1950’s.

As you suggest, one of the reasons for these visual signals was to communicate in a more difficult time without straits understanding. But you can compare this system to our current online cruising system. At a site like our Instant Sex partner men4sexnow.com, your profile sets out your tastes and preferences helping to ensure you are approached by compatible guys. The Hanky Code does the same thing in a face-to-face situation.

I think the use has dropped off in public because so much cruising now happens online. In earlier times if you wanted to get laid you went to a bar and cruised. With this in mind, keys and hankies helped advertise what you were looking for. Now when I go to bars I perceive more socializing and less cruising and therefore less sexual advertising.

The only place I see the Hanky Code and key system in ongoing use is in the Leather community. If you walk into a leather bar you are still likely to see a certain number of men ‘flagging’, most particularly guys into fisting.

I think that as gays have become more accepted a number of the accessories of the ‘secret’ gay life have faded. There is little need now in the Western world for the subtleties of the hankies, keys, secret handshakes, coded language and hidden clubs so they seem to be falling out of use.

 

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