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Features > The Guidance Counselor
by Doug McClelland
(posted May, 2005)
From:
Chris
Subject: Bottoming
Question: Is it normal for a male to be 100% bottom? I am
not interested in topping and love pleasing men. Are these acquired
tastes?
Dear Chris: Yes it is normal to be 100% bottom. Although most men can be found somewhere along the spectrum of versatility, there are lots of men who are exclusively bottom.
I’m not sure if I would describe sexual desires as acquired tastes. You might say that after trying something, and enjoying it, that you have acquired a taste for it. But I think I would be more inclined to say that trying something like bottoming, and deciding that this is what you like, is more a form of self-discovery.
From:
Terminal Jockey
Subject: Cruising the Web
Question: I logged onto a couple of cruising sites this morning
at 10 am and now realize I’ve spent ten ours checking them
out throughout the day. I chatted with a couple of guys, but didn’t
hook up; just read profiles and checked out pics. Seems that a lot
of the guys on there were also there all day and are the same ones
there everyday. Now I’m feeling a bit pathetic for wasting
my day. What do you think?
Dear Terminal Jockey: There are a variety of men online at any one time for a variety of reasons. There are guys looking for sex now, there are guys with phony profiles who are just living a fantasy or playing a game, and there are guys who are just lurking to observe the scene. Lots of guys run these sites in the background while they work on their computers so their constant presence may not indicate they actually are watching all day.
Personally, I log on to cruising sites when I want to hook up. I check out who’s available and if there is someone I like I contact him. If I don’t have any success, I log off. The other thing I do is check out the guys in destinations I have plans to visit, which worked very well on a recent trip to Paris. However, I think it is perfectly acceptable for guys to do things like live a fantasy or be voyeurs. And it is also fine to kill time on them if you are having a boring day. I think you need to decide how you want to use these sites. When you understand why you are logging on you should not end up regretting the time you spend there.
From:
Married Cocksucker
Subject: Bloody blowjob
Question: I'm a married guy but I still visit the cruisy
washroom in the downtown office complex I work in sometimes. I never
let guys cum in my mouth, so I'm playing real safe. Recently, I
met a guy in the washroom who invited me to follow him into the
emergency stairs for more privacy. I was really getting into going
at his beautiful fat cock when suddenly my mouth seemed to be full
of blood. I pulled back and it turned out that one of my teeth had
scratched the head of his hardon and it was bleeding. Of course
we stopped and after I apologized we went our separate ways. I guess
it was more likely a drop or two of blood, not a mouthful, but now
I'm paranoid. The guy looked healthy but I'm wondering and worrying
about my health now. How dangerous is blood in the mouth?
Dear Married Cocksucker: You should get tested so you’ll know if there is anything to worry about. Not knowing is more disturbing than having the facts. Blood is a problem as it certainly carries HIV as well as Hepatitis, if a person is infected. However, it seems that few people get infected through their mouths. I would guess that taking a few drops of blood into your mouth would not be any worse than taking a guy’s cum. There is some evidence that taking cum in your mouth does not seem to transmit HIV very often. If you are sucking cock you should make sure your mouth is healthy, no sores and no bleeding gums which provide more open access for infection.
From:
Still Wondering
Subject: Scared of sex
Question: In the first year I was out I had unprotected anal
sex twice. I subsequently found out that both of my partners were
positive. After six months of stress I tested negative for HIV.
In the subsequent five years I have almost never again had anal
sex after the terrifying experience of having positive guys lie
and put me at risk. Recently I have heard that HIV may remain dormant
for years before being detected. Now every time I have odd aches
and pains I begin to worry. How long does it take to be sure you
are definitely not infected?
Dear Still Wondering: I think you can relax. HIV does not remain dormant and undetectable by blood tests for years. Almost everyone who contracts HIV will have a positive blood test for the antibody within one month from the date of infection. The tests are highly accurate. If you have a negative HIV test, most doctors advise repeating it in three to six months to be sure that you aren’t in that small group of men who take longer than one month to make antibodies. Provided you haven’t been exposed in the interim, a negative test at six months means you are in the clear.
Doctors can also combine viral load testing with antibody testing. Virus is usually present in measurable quantities within twenty-one days after infection. A negative viral load and a negative antibody test more than one month after exposure will virtually guarantee that you do not have HIV. Viral load testing is expensive, and it takes several days to obtain results. It is not used routinely for HIV screening because antibody testing is accurate, quicker, and more cost-effective.
So you can stop worrying about those early exposures. Now just keep practicing safer sex into the future. And as long as a condom is used you can go back to enjoying anal sex.
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