Features > The Guidance Counselor

by Doug McClelland

[Editor: See here for our standard note on confidentiality and anonymity.]

(posted September, 2005)

From: Jean-Marc
Subject: Black men
Question: I'm thirty-two years old, white/Asian, tall, 8" cut, good-looking and very well-built. For about a year or so I have been checking out gay porn. I thought I'd be repulsed, as I like straight sex. I don't enjoy watching two women together. It doesn't turn me on. But for some reason I was curious to check out gay porn. The guys with the muscular smooth bodies really get me hard, especially black guys! They must have veryy dark skin. My question to you: where are the destinations around the world where one can meet up with muscular big cocked black bisexual men?

Dear Jean-Marc: As a Canadian, I’d first go looking for big, black, bisexual men in any major American city with a large black population, like New York, Chicago or Atlanta. There is a whole subculture of American black bisexuality that goes under the term ‘the down low’. Even Oprah did a show about it and recommended the book On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of "Straight" Black Men Who Sleep with Men By J. L. King. These cities will have venues catering to your needs that you’ll be able to search out on the net. For example http://www.blk.com/resources/p-bars.htm lists bars with significant black clientele throughout the U.S.

If you are talking about more distant locations, I’d suggest Brazil where there are lots of big black men, many of whom have sex with men often without considering themselves gay. In Rio it is easy to meet guys as the scene is very open and mixed. I have also visited two other places that I could also recommend. The southern Egyptian area called Nubia, down near Luxor has many willing black guys in a third world setting. Also, in Cape Town, South Africa there is an easy mixing of races in the gay bars and beaches.

From: Chuck
Subject: Butt plugs
Question: I am considering “expanding” my anal limits by buying a new butt plug. My current one is already large (8” width), but the sensation of wearing it is incredible. How large is too large? I recently saw one in my friend's porn shop that looks like it would require spreading the pelvic bone (something ridiculous like an 18” width). Not sure if I'd ever want to tangle with one that large, but how large should I go? I'm 5'6".

Dear Chuck: Only you will know when you reach your limit. The trick is to work your way up gradually. If you are enjoying 8” width now then maybe move up to 10” for a new challenge. You may eventually work your way up to that 18 incher, but you better do it by small steps rather than giant leaps.

From: Jim
Subject: Bathhouse protocol
Question: I have never been to a bathhouse but want to visit one while on a business trip. Is there a protocol, like when at a gloryhole? Can you give me some insight what to do or what will go on? Is it cool to let them know you have never been to one?

Dear Jim: Baths are a great gay institution of sexual adventure. They vary from palaces to dumps, but each one offers sexual opportunities. If you can tell the check-in attendant that this is your first time at a bath, he will be happy to explain the house rules particular to their establishment and answer any questions you might have.

Normally, once you pay you receive a key to either a small private room or a locker, plus a towel. You leave your clothes in either the room or the locker and wrap the towel around your waist. Then you walk around the club to check out the action. If you get a room you may choose to lie on your bed with the door open and see if any action comes to you. Steamrooms, dark rooms, saunas, etc. are all there to facilitate you seeing and meeting other guys. Some guys prefer to invite a partner back to their room while some prefer to do it in the steamroom. It’s up to you. It also depends a lot on the local club policies, which are often determined by what they can get away with in their local legal jurisdiction.

Everyone is there for sex so don’t be shy.

From: Michael
Subject: Risk factors
Question: What would you consider is the risk factor of giving a blowjob to a stranger conditions being he hasn't ejaculated in your mouth? What are the chances you will get HIV if he has it? Also, what are the standard symptoms after infection with the HIV virus and how long does it take for them to appear? I'll be extremely grateful for your answers since your column is very helpful.

Dear Michael: I’d consider the risk to be very, very low of there being HIV transmitted if you sucked a guy’s cock without him cumming in your mouth, even if he had HIV. Symptoms can seem like flu and can come on within days. But many newly infected don’t have any symptoms or maybe just a day they feel a bit off i.e. it can take years.

From: Jimbo
Subject: Anal fissures
Question: I read with interest the letter from the reader whose doctor says he has an anal fissure. I too developed a fissure. Whether mine was "waiting to happen" or not, it surfaced after a particularly rough fuck session. In any case, I tried everything the doctors prescribed -- fiber, suppositories, soaking in hot water -- to no avail. I began researching the problem on my own and read of those who'd had success in using a .02% nitroglycerin cream/ointment (it must be compounded by a special pharmacist). Anyway, I changed doctors, we discussed it and she gave me a prescription for the nitro. The problem (which, by the way, is way beyond painful) disappeared in about a month. The only side effect is a mild headache. So, you might pass this on. Not many doctors are aware of this treatment so don't be afraid to talk it up.

Dear Jimbo: Thanks for the tip. I also received a recommendation to drink wheatgrass juice to help with the problem.

From: Pit Boy
Subject: Sweat
Question: The smell of a sweaty guy turns me on. I love to lick my partner’s armpits while having sex. Sometimes guys pull back when I do this. Is this a common fetish?

Dear Pit Boy: If you are enjoying a sweaty sex session and licking your partner I don’t think it is odd that you might enjoy licking his armpits. I think the smell of fresh sweat is sexy too and include it in my repertoire. If a partner is not into it (some guys are ticklish there) just try your next move.

Interestingly, recent scientific studies strengthen the idea that odours are sexually stimulating and these new results include gay men. General body odour is controlled by a part of the immune system called the Major Histocompatibility Complex and has been confirmed to be involved in sexual activeness in several species. In Psychological Science, Charles Wysocki of the University of Pennsylvania shows that gay men prefer the smell of sweat collected from the armpits of other gay men. They also like the sweat from straight women, but not from straight men! Odours from gay men were the least preferred by straight men and women.

Also, recently in Sweden a study on odour has shown that the hypothalamus (the part of the brain responsible for libido) of gay men in brain scanners respond in similar ways to those of straight women. If a gay man is attracted to other men visually then why not by scent too? This may be part of a natural gaydar Mother Nature has given us.

From: RL
Subject: Ecstasy
Question: I am a total bottom and I love to get fucked all night long, but I don't hold my cum that long. And after I cum and I am done for the night.. My partner told me that I should try Ecstasy, which will make me want to get fucked again and again so I can cum different times in a night. I would like to know is it dangerous to take Ecstasy? I am not big drinker or smoker but I love coke sometimes. What is your suggestion?

Dear RL: When you take Ecstasy you’ll be high and feeling sexy for a few hours. Many guys find that it takes them a lot longer to cum on Ecstasy. So it might help you to enjoy being fucked for a longer period, but that is different from helping you to cum multiple times. Coke is a much stronger drug than Ecstasy, so if you are using that you probably do not need to fear Ecstasy.

If your aim is to cum more than once and to stay feeling aroused let me suggest you try Viagra or one of the related impotence drugs. These drugs increase the bloodflow to your dick and anal areas, keeping you horny and increasing your ability to cum more than once. As well, they are cheaper and legal if you just get a prescription from your doctor. It is also common to mix Ecstasy and Viagra to have the sexy feeling of the Ecstasy and the ability to cum from the Viagra.

From: Horny and Looking
Subject: Highway cruising
Question: I travel a lot on rural freeways and highways. On a couple of occasions while cruising on multi-lane roads I have noticed the lone male driving in the lane next to me looking over at my bare chest. At that point I reach up and caress my nipple a bit and he smiled and kept watching. Ultimately we got together and had a good blowjob. The problem, however, is on two lane rural roads where the opportunity to drive next to another car is not an option. A friend suggested that on two lane highways he flashes his brake lights a couple of times as cars pass him going the other way. Among cruisers, is flashing the brake lights a couple of times a recognized signal that you are horny and looking for another man? Are there other highway signals too? Thanks for your help. In rural areas it's difficult to meet persons with similar sexual interests.

Dear Horny and Looking: I’m a city boy myself so I don’t have any experience cruising the back highways. But I have now heard of this car cruising technique a number of times so it seems that it is a recognized signal. In some cities where guys cruise around blocks in cars flashing brake lights is an established practice. You could think of it as the vehicle version of looking back at someone you pass on the sidewalk (you look back to see if he is looking back). If he is then you are both interested. Presumably the guy in the other car will not pay attention to you flashing your brake lights unless he is looking back with interest. This is old fashioned, pre-Internet cruising at its most practical.

From: Howard
Subject: Receiving a 10" dick
Question: I am forty-three years old, white and I consider myself to be versatile when it comes to sex. Lately I have been wanting to bottom more than top though. I also have developed a likeness for interracial, three-way and group sex, always attempting to be a safe as possible (condoms, etc). I am not a size queen and actually prefer a 6" to 7" dick when bottoming. I have recently been asked to bottom for a black man who has a 10” dick. What safety concerns should I have? Is it truly possible to take that much inside without damaging something? I have used an 8" vibrating dildo, which hit a spot deep inside. I was told it was my “second hole” and that this black guy will definitely hit it.

Dear Howard: If you can enjoy an 8” vibrator I’m confident that you can handle a 10” dick. The trick in this situation is always lots of lube and lots of time. I’d suggest you start out by sitting on it as this allows you maximum control of the speed and pressure of entry. Your anus is only a few inches long and connects to the rest of your colon. The anus has two sphincter muscles: the internal sphincter and external sphincter. These muscles are bands that surround your anus and rectum. Your internal sphincter is actually a part of the colon wall and is an involuntary muscle, which means you can't control it. Your external sphincter is under the skin of your anus and is a voluntary muscle. Some guys refer to the inner sphincter as the “second hole.” Lots of dicks push up against the inner sphincter, but longer ones will press through it. This requires the same patience from the top as penetrating the external sphincter.

 

 

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