Features > The Guidance Counselor

by Doug McClelland

[Editor: See here for our standard note on confidentiality and anonymity.]

(posted November, 2005)

From: Nut Job
Subject: Cock Tattoo
Question: Doug, I am interested in getting a tattoo on the shaft of my cock. I am very curious about how the process works. My questions are 1) How do I find an artist willing to do it? 2) What is the process? (eg. do I need to be hard the entire time?) 3) What are the risks? Any info would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Dear Nut Job: Cool! I’ve always wanted to fuck with a guy having a tattooed cock. They can look amazing.

It is quite possible to tattoo your cock and balls. It will require a very skilled tattoo artist with an open mind to accomplish this. Word of mouth is the way you are going to find the right artist. I’d suggest that you consult others with cock tattoos. For example I belong to the Yahoo group about tattooed cocks called Tattooed Monkey located at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tattooedmonkey/, which is one forum for this information. Once you find a willing artist, ask to see samples of his work. Ask to be put in touch with someone he has done this for, to get a first hand report.

The process is much like any other tattooing, except that the skin here is loose and variable in texture. I’ve heard of an artist stretching the scrotum over a wooden spoon to provide a workable surface.

Normally a topical aesthetic would be used to prevent pain. You do not have to be hard, and I expect that it would be next to impossible to maintain an erection under these circumstances (needles in your cock), plus you’ll be helping the artist keep it in place. The tattoo will stretch with the skin when you get hard. I think the best you could hope for would be an interesting experience, rather than an erotic experience. I would also expect that erections during the healing process might be a problem, as tattoos usually scab over to heal.

With a skilled artist, using proper sterile procedures, the risks are minimal. I’d say the biggest risk is in choosing the right art. Please don’t have your current boyfriend’s name tattooed on your dick, because the next man in your life might find that to be a problem.

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From: dicksizemore#9
Subject: How do I become a porn star
Question: I've always been curious about doing a movie in the porn industry. Where should I go to get into the movies? What are some of the things I should have in my portfolio and what advice can you give someone who desires to do something like this?

Dear dicksizemore#9: The first thing you need are some good photos. They need to be explicit and clear. There is a constant demand for new talent in the porn business, so you could simply start by sending your pics to companies you would be interested in working for. For example Cruisingforsex.com has been producing award winning porn videos in recent years. Just answer the questions on the model search page of the CFS website and then contact Keith, our cruise director, at modelsearch@cruisingforsex.com with your pics and he will check you out.

Very few performers start as high priced stars, no matter how hot you are, as there are thousands of guys who want to get into porn. Normally you’ll have to demonstrate that as well as looks and dick, you have performance ability, and that you look good on camera, at an introductory level. Photo shoots and entry-level video will give you professional quality images for your portfolio. Once you have your foot in the door you’ll need to meet the producers and directors who cast the films and sell yourself to them.

If you look in the classified sections of most major gay newspapers you’ll see porn companies advertising for guys. A typical example of what to expect is my friend Andre’s model recruitment page at www.pornducer.com where you are asked about yourself and what you’ll do.

There is no room in the porn business for you if you are a primadonna, or have hang-ups or shyness. You need to be an open-minded exhibitionist who is easy to work with. If you are, you can have a lot of fun, and make some money doing it.

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From: Richard
Subject: regarding E
Question: First, I would like to thank your for your tips regarding cumming too quick while getting fucked in your recent column. Lately I have tried Ecstasy. I feel great while getting butt fucked. I could get fucked all night without cumming or soreness. When I take E my cock is soft, but my butt feels great when getting eaten or fucked. Is E a harmful drug to my body? If I take it once or twice a month, is that a problem with my health. Can I combine Viagara with E so I can get fucked and fuck at the same time? What about other drugs like G?

Dear Richard: Ecstasy is a relatively mild stimulant drug that produces some very pleasant sensuous effects. The side effect some men experience of soft dicks is often dealt with by taking Viagara in conjunction with E. If you are a generally healthy guy these drugs should not negatively impact on your health if taken occasionally as you suggest.

There are many other drugs which gay men often use that can be much more dangerous. And almost any drug can be a problem if used to excess. G is a form of sedative that has more potential to cause problems as it can react with other drugs, most notably alcohol.

From: Mortified
Subject: personal cleaning
Question: I am a perfectly healthy gay guy. I'm not really sexual active at forty-one, but I'm definitely a bottom. Here's my issue and this has only been happening recently. Every time I get fucked, either in real life or with a dildo, the dick or dildo comes out with shit on it. This is mortifying and foul. I'm a decent-looking guy with a nice dick, but am now afraid I can't have anal sex anymore. Should I use an enema each time? That can be harmful, can't it? What about douching? What can I do?

Dear Mortified: This is a question that I get on a regular basis, so I’m going to reprint the fairly lengthly answer I gave in an early column. Your experience is very common. Almost everyone practicing anal sex has experienced it before. Wishing to be as clean as possible is understandable and reasonable, but fucking really isn't an activity for anyone who is paranoid about coming into contact with shit. Under normal circumstances I believe a bowel movement and a shower (with particular attention being paid to your asshole), prepare the average guy for an evening that may involve getting buttfucked.

For those who wish to clean more meticulously, or whose night is going to involve a long session of having their ass pounded, douching may be in order. Those preparing to be fisted, or to be the star bottom in a porn shoot probably need to consider some fairly elaborate preparation. Be warned that doctors suggest that excessive douching is not advisable. Also, if you are going to take it up the ass without a condom, the less douching the better.

Douching involves repeatedly filling the ass with water, and expelling it, with any shit in there, either into the toilet or the tub. The usual way this has been done is to use a bulb douche. This consists of a large rubber bulb with a long firm tube, which can be used to squirt water into the ass. Its advantage is that it's easily transportable, and it doesn't rely on compatible plumbing. Some guys are able to clean out simply by repeatedly filling and emptying over a short period of time. As with all things though, individuals vary. Some guys find that cleaning out thoroughly a couple of hours ahead of time, then briefly repeating the process shortly before play begins, works best for them.

Considering all the potential things that you can catch, herpes is pretty low on the worry list. There are medications to keep it under control. Also, in most people, the longer you have it the less frequent the outbreaks become.

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