Features > The Guidance Counselor

by Doug McClelland

[Editor: See here for our standard note on confidentiality and anonymity.]

(posted January, 2006)

From: GayandFun
Subject: Manners
Question: I was at a large dinner recently of gay guys ranging in age from 25-40. Two guys had been flirting all evening. Then between the main course and dessert they both left the table. After a few minutes they returned with sheepish grins on their faces, and dessert was served. They had been making out in the bathroom. I thought this was pretty funny. But I later found out that the host was appalled and offended. What do you think...harmless fun...or rude and obnoxious?

Dear GayandFun: I was just at a fabulous New Year’s Eve party on my vacation in Rio. It was very classy with staff serving food and drink, yet lots of fun. I succeeded in discreetly having sex in one of the bathrooms with a cute guy, with neither of our lovers nor the hosts noticing. So I certainly agree that sex at parties is fun.

But it seems to me that one needs to read the host, and the situation. In this case I think the two lovebirds read the host wrong, and thus made a mistake. Maybe they could have waited till after desert? In general I think that sex at parties (that are not sex parties) should be undertaken discreetly so that no one gets embarrassed of offended.

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From: Robbie
Subject: PEP drugs
Question: I read recently about guys taking the PEP drug Tenofovir and then having unsafe sex. Do you think that would work? Does it make sense?

Dear Robbie: Post Exposure Prophylaxis is a drug treatment that is given to people immediately after they’ve been exposed to HIV, which can help to stop the virus from taking such a hold of the immune system. It is a month long course of the traditional drugs used to treat HIV. Some people have heard about PEP think that it’s like a morning after pill for HIV. This is not true. PEP is actually a complex regime of drugs.

It’s what is given to medical staff who get exposed to infected body fluids by a prick of a needle or a spray of blood, etc. It is also now prescribed to you if you go to a Doctor and tell them the condom broke and you fear you have been exposed. It is expensive, and it usually has some unpleasant site effects.

I looked into this and read an interview with one Doctor in San Francisco prescribing Tenofovir to be taken in anticipation of unsafe sex. He basically said that he had some HIV negative patients who were having unsafe sex, and that this was better than nothing. It seems to be logical, although there are concerns that such use could facilitate the development of drug resistance.

If one had the money, it seems to me that you could take the cocktail on an ongoing basis just like guys who are positive and you should be protected. I would not depend on this myself.A more promising prospect is the new drug Cyanovirin that has prevented HIV infections in monkeys and will start human trials next year.

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From: No meds
Subject: Alternative to drugs
Question: Is there anything natural, or organic, that gives you more sexual energy? I don't like the idea of chemicals like Viagra.

Dear No meds: The erection drugs Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra are very effective and perfectly safe. Some guys do get a variety of side effects, but these are not dangerous. You can order them discreetly through Cruising for Sex.

If you are not interested in these prescription drugs, I’d suggest you focus on some of the supplements generally associated with anti-aging. The best know of these is DHEA which seems to increase the sense of well being and increase testosterone production. DHEA is a type of steroid, and is pretty much the only steroid that is still legal in the U.S. It is still legal because one Senator insisted that it be left out of the ban because of it’s use in anti-aging programs.

I’d also look at your general health. For example many people have low Thyroid function, which can reduce your energy and sex drive. The hormone replacement drug Synthroid can correct this.

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