Features > The Guidance Counselor

by Doug McClelland

(posted June, 2003)

From: Lifeguard
Subject: Age of consent
Question: I’m twenty years old and a lifeguard at a large pool in Toronto. I’ve been eyeing one of the part-time swimming teachers here and I think he is starting to look back. The problem; I just found out he is fifteen years old. From what I have glimpsed in the showers he is all grown up in every way but the age thing freaked me out. What constitutes ‘jail bait’?

Dear Lifeguard: Age of consent laws vary widely depending on what jurisdiction you are in.

In your case specifically, the age of homosexual consent in Canada is fourteen years old (same as strait sex). So you can jump his young body legally. However, there is still an old law on the books forbidding anal sex (both straight and gay) till you are eighteen years old. So you might want to hold off on the fucking, although this old law has not been used in a long time. In addition there is currently a case in the Canadian courts in which a thirty-five year old man is being charged because he passed himself off as a nineteen year old to have sex with teenage boys attending a ‘coming out’ group. The allegation is that the boys were not able to give an ‘informed’ consent because he lied about his age. The complaints originated with the mother of one of the boys. I would bet money he will get off…but who knows.

So definitely yes. So long as you don’t fuck, and don’t lie about your age, you should be on the right side of the law.

Of course there is one other option. As gay marriage is now legal in Canada, you could marry him. Then the sex would be within a marriage and beyond reproach.

There are a number of Web sites that come up on a Google search for ‘age of consent’, although keeping such a list up to date is difficult as this is an evolving issue.

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From: Bill
Subject: Awkward situation
Question: I found myself in a somewhat awkward position this week. I was getting a full body massage and the masseur was over my back. Even though he and I were nude, I only play safe. Turns out I should have told him this at the start because he forcefully stuck his unprotected dick in my hole. He managed to jam it in a little before I quickly turned over to the side. I politely said 'no' and got up and got dressed and left.

Now I'm freaked out about HIV. I hope my questions aren't too naive but here goes:

1) Can you get HIV from precum? (I think he had a little when I looked at his dick).

2) Do you only get infected if you have a tear or open wound, etc. in your hole? Mine is virgin clean.

I appreciate comments or information. Thanks very much.

Dear Bill: What rude behavior for a professional!

1) In theory it could be possible for HIV to be transmitted via precum. In HIV positive people both precum and semen can contain HIV. Semen is riskier than precum because there tends to be more of it. In practice, the event you describe was probably not enough for you to be freaking out.

2) Having a tear or wound does provide an easier access for the virus but are not necessary for transmission.

I think you can take a deep breath and not worry about this experience. The penetration was very brief. You are not even sure if there was any precum. And your ass is as healthy as a virgin. This is not a scenario for catching HIV but it is one for being more careful in choosing your masseur.

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From: The Herpes Guy
Subject: More about herpes
Question: You recently responded to a bi chap who related his herpes situation. My question is related more to when/how to tell a potential partner that you have herpes? I have had genital herpes for twenty years (I am forty-four years old) and have been very much reclusive as a result for the past ten years. Sexual encounters have been few and far between because I insist upon informing the lucky guy before we do anything.

Fact is anyone with herpes can never be 100% sure that he isn't contagious. Another fact: most gay men who have herpes either do not know it or will not disclose it.

How can I get over the herpes hurdle and find someone meaningful?

Dear Herpes Guy: Herpes outbreaks typically come and go. When an outbreak subsides, the virus enters a latent phase where it hides in your body until something triggers it to travel back down the nerves to your skin and start another attack cycle. Although you are more contagious during an acute outbreak, herpes can spread between partners even when there are no signs of blisters. Toys and fingers can carry the virus between partners. A condom may not protect you. If you have herpes on your lip you can spread it through kissing or oral sex. According to GayHealth.com there are over half a million new cases in the U.S. each year and over thirty million Americans are infected.

I don’t mean to belittle this problem but in the whole scheme of life getting blisters now and then is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Thirty million Americans are living with it and with medication almost all symptoms can be repressed. If this has led you to be reclusive for the last ten years, you have been making a mistake.

I would not hesitate to have sex with someone whose herpes was in full remission. I would not expect a casual sex partner to advise me of their herpes status. In a casual sex situation I practice safe sex and it is my responsibility to protect myself. If I became involved with someone I would expect him to tell me he had herpes and to avoid sexual contact during active periods.

No one wants to get herpes and you are being very responsible in your behavior. But it sounds to me like you are over doing it.

 

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