Home > Features > An Orgy: Planning and Hosting Your Own
by Your Cruisemaster
Group sex is a big fantasy for many, many people. The orgy room in bathhouses (almost extinct these days, but once very busy) has been location to many fantasies come true. For myself, nothing can provide more of an erotic charge than watching other men have sex. Being able to get up close and watch that cock slide in and out of a man's ass is something we have come to relish, thanks, in no small part to the adult film industry. We see it on film and want to replicate those scenes in our lives.
Back in 1988, living in San Francisco and craving group scenes (bathhouses were closed several years earlier under court order), I decided to place an ad in the local gay paper and solicit men who might share my fantasy. I got over a hundred responses, including some pictures of men that I still have in my possession. The party was a success, made all the more so by the presence of two porn legends, Chris Burns and Scott O'Hara (Scott fisted Chris during the orgy). In the years that followed, I've hosted a few more orgies. In fact, I'm hosting my 6th in the last 12 months on Valentines Day in Provincetown.
The first thing you need to know about planning and hosting an orgy is that this is work. Yeah, you do get a boner from all those hot pics you receive, but it takes a lot of time to coordinate this type of event. While some orgies do happen spontaneously, this article deals with staged events with a selective guest list, pre-arranged scenes, and some agreed upon rules for participants.
Getting the Word Out
I've dispensed with blind ads in local gay papers, finding that I recruit just as well from postings on the Internet. This may be a mistake, since the majority of men who might come to the party don't have access to the Internet, but it also has one real advantage. The men who are invited already have two things in common: (1) a desire to have group sex, and (2) knowledge about the Internet and the World Wide Web. Finding such common links between people is important to getting the right mix. Just ask any dinner party host and they will tell you the key to a successful party is in selecting whom to invite/exclude. I post in the Communal Stall Walls of CRUISING for SEX, Yahoo Classifieds, and elsewhere. When I am in a city with popular phone sex lines, I also post a message on the lines, though this can prove very expensive.
It is during this initial posting of messages that you must have a clear idea of the type of men you wish to attract. One of the reasons for a private orgy, as opposed to a group scene in a public sexclub, is that you can narrow the criteria of types of men. Maybe you only want men who are into the bear scene. Maybe you want water sports enthusiasts. If you are like me, what you want are in-shape guys between 18 and 45. I find the age range key to success, in fact. The older men lust after the young guys, but it is almost always the older men who have the experience, indeed the balls, to get a scene going. Young men are often very shy in group settings and need a bit of a push to get going.
You need to learn to read between the lines when checking responses from men wanting to attend. Insisting on a photo will exclude a lot of potential hot meat, but some require it. Ask for a complete description. If a person is vague about something, assume they are hiding a detail they feel uncomfortable about. You need to be blunt in responding to incomplete descriptions. After all, the beauty of doing this via e-mail is that the person need never write back if they choose. It is routine for guys who don't fit your criteria to make an attempt to get into the party. I make it very clear, several times in corresponding with invited guys, that I will not hesitate to turn anyone away at the door who has misrepresented themselves.
Coming up With Your Guest List
I find it to be crucial that I select a balanced group of men. Balanced by age and desires. I've already explained why age factors into the decision. Another major factor is the various kinks a person is into. To put it simply, make sure you have enough tops to service your bottoms. Learn to question the use of the word, 'versatile.' Normally it means a bottom, not someone who actually enjoys fucking or getting fucked. If possible, it is nice to have some racial and ethnic diversity. This is very difficult to pull off unless you are in a city that is also very diverse. I find it very helpful to the energy of a place to have men of all colors and backgrounds since many of us find this a sexual turn-on.
Establishing the Rules, Providing Directions
Some guys view private sex parties as a 'no rules' affair. For me, I find it important to clearly state whatever rules I have, and make them clear in advance (sample of the rules). If someone doesn't like the rules, they can simply decline to come. I have come to view rules as a way to establish your legitimacy. For many of your guests, they need to have a sense that you know what you are doing. A well though-out list of rules can help make it clear that you take this party seriously. This helps you because then your guests take your invitation more seriously.
Directions should go out only to those men who have confirmed. Send them out about 48 hours before the party. Include your phone number so people can call to verify you are real and ask any questions. Make certain these directions go out only to those guys you believe are sincere and not troublemakers.
If hosting the party in a hotel, make it very clear that guests should arrive using discretion. The same applies to a party in an apartment or condo building. You don't want to do anything that might attract attention of outsiders.
Screen Arrivals
I greet my guests at the door. This is essential if you want to make certain you can dis-invite those who have lied about their body, age or some other thing. Awkward as it may be, one guy who clearly doesn't fit in can ruin the sexual energy. I once gave an orgy where I did not monitor the door and it was the only orgy I've every wished I could have left (as so many other men did).
The down-side to screening is that you lose your anonymity. This can be most unfortunate because men may turn to you as a host when you would rather be the pig bottom. I've toyed with the idea of hiring someone to work as bouncer and may try this in the future.
Make sure you have a very limited time in which people may arrive. I allow 30 minutes and tell guys that the door is locked promptly at a certain time.
Set-up the Scene
You get a room full of horny men in your house and very often the awkward first moments can make many uncomfortable. I find it helps to ask 2 or more guests who have expressed particular enthusiasm to arrive about 15 or 20 minutes before the announced time. These guys understand they are coming for the purpose of stripping down and immediately getting into sex. When others arrive at the published time, you will already have men pumping each other.
Other things to do in advance include providing soft drinks, lots of extra towels in the toilet, ample amounts of lube and condoms, and perhaps some poppers. Take care that the lighting isn't too bright. I buy red and blue-colored bulbs to add atmosphere. Rent several porn movies. Cover all the chairs and sofas with sheets. Make sure room temperature is set for men who will be naked. Provide paper bags, the kind you get at the grocery, for guys to store their clothing.
Finally, move as soon as you can from being host to participant. Many of the men will be watching to see what you do. Sort of like the respect shown to the guest of honor at dinner. Pig out and throw your inhibitions to the wind.